My Karma
by kokobandit
Summary: Faced with an unexpected visitor and more legal problems, the Bluths try to adjust and adapt but fail miserably as always
1. Chapter 1

My Karma

By Koko Bandit

Disclaimer: The show is created and written by Mitchell Hurwitz, and this is merely written for my entertainment. The title also belongs to a Scrub's episode… also SUPPORT THE BLUTHS!

1: The stranger

The Bluth matriarch was sipping on her fourth cocktail of the day, when the doorbell rang. Out of sorts and unaccustomed to having unexpected visitors, Lucille chose to ignore it rationalizing that some unpleasant salesman or worse, Jehovah's Witness was at the door.

Out in the hallway at the Bluth's door, Alice, a 22-year old grad student at UCLA stood perplexed. Her information from the Adoption Agency verified that indeed her younger brother had been adopted by a woman of the name Lucille Bluth living at this exact address. After the fourth consecutive knock, the door opened a few inches to reveal a tall boyish man.

"It doesn't look like a Jewish evangelist, mother!" He called behind him, and opened the door wider to reveal an older woman lying prostrate on her Victorian couch.

"Hello, I'm looking for a Lucille Bluth?"

"Tell her we no longer do charity work!"

After the last Bluth fundraiser which raised only a measly twenty three dollars (courtesy of George Michael's banana stand) and a disastrous riot, the family was forced to sign a clause promising the termination of any future fundraisers.

"I'm sorry, mother says--."

"I don't want money! I'm here because--."

"Alright! I suppose a personal check will do? God, the third world is just outside our front door isn't it?"

"Excuse me? I'm not here to solicit money from you, my name is Alice. I was born and orphaned a few minutes from L.A., and recently found my birth mother gave my little brother up for adoption abroad—to Orange County, to your home. His name is Jae Hee?"

"Never heard of him." Lucille poured herself another drink as Buster; her youngest son sidled next to her and whispered none-too-quietly.

"Mother, I think she is talking of that boy you took in--to make me jealous? You remember…"

"What nonsense are you talking about Buster?" Rolling her eyes, Lucille motioned Alice forward and whispered also none-too-quietly, "We think he may be mentally challenged."

"Mother!"

"He's a little boy. Not even 16-years-old yet. He is an Asian boy with dark hair, eyes, and is shy around strangers?" Alice trailed off as Lucille's eyes narrowed in recognition.

"I suppose that sounds familiar."

"Isn't that the boy you took in a while ago to replace Buster? What was his name?" George Bluth Sr. had entered the room at this opportune moment looking for ketchup to top his hotdog.

"So he is here! I'm so glad."

"Yes well, he was here. For the life of me, I can't remember where I put it—him."

"You'll have to excuse her; she's probably on her fifth martini for today. That's how Mother solves her problems." Buster's face distorted as suppressed memories surfaced momentarily.

"Try Michael's house. He lives a few blocks away. I think I saw him there, in the walls once before I saw… the mole."

Not quite understanding, but excited by information regarding her brother's location, Alice took down the directions to her new destination. After she had left, Lucille closed in on George Sr.

"How could you do this to me? You take everything from me!"

"What are you talking about? This ketchup?" George Sr was extremely confused, and rightly so, since Lucille often lashed out for absolutely no reason when drunk.

"Not the ketchup you bleep I mean, the boy, what's-his-name! You saw how much I was enjoying his company, how he was making me happy, and you became jealous! That's why you gave that meddling girl Michael's address, didn't you!" In her anger, Lucille jabbed at her husband with her drink hand and succeeded in sloshing half the contents of her martini over his shirt.

"Oh God—Now will you look at this mess? That's just terrific! I just came out to get some ketchup. You're drunk Lucille!"

"And you're high!"

In the corner of the room, Buster was curled into a ball and rocking gently as the turn of events had begun to unearth years of therapy intended to help Buster function properly in society.

Meanwhile, at the other Bluth home, Michael was hosting a luncheon with his family's lawyers, Bob Loblaw and Barry Zuckerkorn. They were discussing the Bluth's present precarious legal and financial situation, a norm, ever since the Bluth patriarch had been indicted for embezzling funds.

"Listen, Michael, as your attorney I have to advise you to stay out of any more legal trouble. You're up to your neck in debts as it is, and the court is still keeping prosecuting you for your father's crimes, an option."

"I understand that, and rest assured the family has promised to desist in aiding fugitives. Ha-ha." Michael paused as nobody seemed amused but himself and redirected the conversation, "Anyway, Bob, what you doing here? You were hired to handle Lindsey and Tobias's divorce case, business law has always been handled by Barry."

"I'm waiting for Lindsey. We're having an early dinner today before the trial."

"Of course, that sounds like something Lindsey would do… And the conflict of interest doesn't bother you?"

At that moment, the doorbell rang and Michael excused himself. Before he could get to the door, Maeby intercepted. Having decided to drop out of school, she accidentally stumbled onto a job as a studio producer. With her job taking up most of her time, Maeby had missed too many classes, however, and the school sent a representative to speak to her father about her lack of attendance. Getting an early warning from George Michael who'd overheard this volunteering at the school offices, she raced home to intercept the messenger.

"I got it. You should get back to your lunch."

Eyeing his niece suspiciously, Michael made his way back to his luncheon. "Listen, I hope you're not getting yourself in any trouble Maeby. Our family is in enough trouble as it is, and I need you to be my wingman."

"I thought I was your wingman." George Michael looked crushed as he'd overheard the conversation from the kitchen.

"Of course, you are George Michael, but you know, a wingman needs to have eyes and ears everywhere. They need to be on top of everything, kind of sneaky. You're not that kind of guy. You're more—" Michael rummaged for the words as he ruffled his son's hair "of a George Michael. Alright, I have to get back to Barry and Bob, but you kids keep out of trouble."

As Michael left to attend to his guests, George Michael miserably dragged himself back into his room.

Clear of witnesses, Maeby opened the door to find a pretty, slim brunette bemusedly peering into the windows.

"Hi! I'm looking for--."

"Yeah, I know, and he's not here. In fact, he's never here; you must have gotten the wrong address."

"I don't think so. I got this address from Lucille Bluth? She said he would be at Michael's house." Maeby inwardly cursed her luck; the one day Gangy is actually lucid…

"Alright. He was here, but he left. Well, more like, he was kicked out a while back. Haha, you know how that is--." Receiving only worried blank stares, Maeby decided to plow on, "Anyways, he isn't here. Who knows where he is. The last time he came back, dressed as a maid, just to sleep here again, it was pretty pathetic—and embarrassing."

"He's just a child!"

"Well, he sure acts like one, doesn't he? Anyways, thanks for dropping by, but he can't see you. By the way, you wouldn't be interested in a minor role in a movie would you? You've definitely got the look down. The part calls for an attractive girl in her twenties who's searching for her identity. Yeah, it's been overdone but--… alright think on it. Here's my card."

Maeby closed the door and met Michael leading his guests out as the meeting had ended.

"Thank you gentlemen for stopping by, oh right, Bob, you're still waiting on Lindsey."

"No problem, Michael, always a pleasure serving your family. So is your kid going to have his bar mitzvah soon, huh? George Michael is it?"

"George Michael is 14, Barry, and we're not Jewish—Gob, Barry came over for a luncheon meeting, a meeting you completely missed… probably out with this young lady…" Michael, upon opening the front door for Barry, found Gob outside with the same girl, Maeby had mistaken as the school counselor a few minutes before.

"Hey Michael, this little lady and I just met, but not to worry… we'll be getting it on soon enough." Gob leered, and finally having endured enough psychological torture for the day, Alice frowned and shoved him an arms distance from her.

"I don't know what is wrong with you people, you've obviously hailed in from crazy town. I'm going to find out what happened to my little brother and after that, I'm bringing your family to court."

"Not another sexual harassment suit…"

"No, no. Gob, I don't think that's what this is about this time. Excuse me, but what did you mean by your brother?" Michael was worried, lunch had just ended not less than five minutes ago and the Bluth family was being threatened by legal action, yet again.

"That's what I've been trying to get across, my name is Alice. I got your address from Lucille Bluth, I believe she's your mother? She adopted my brother a couple of months ago, and she said he was living with you--."

"What is going on Michael? Because you know, brother, that I'd do anything for the family. Even if it means…putting my life on the line to get some… top secret information." Gob whispered. Michael unclasped Gob's hands from his lapels and calmly led him into the house.

"Gob, she's telling us all the information right now. I think you'd be better off inside. Why don't you go tell Lindsey that Bob is waiting in the living room for their date?"

"Date? Is Lindsey seeing Bob on the sly?"

"No…and don't call it that, ever. She and Tobias are divorcing, remember? It was long time coming, but they finally decided to separate. Bob is their divorce lawyer. You know, I could have sworn we just had this conversation the other day."

"Well, you know I never listen to anything you have to say. I try to fill my mind with things of actual import. Like the latest illusions… which reminds me…"

"No… No, No--." A spurt of lighter fluid, and flaming tie later… Michael returned to his porch to find Barry and Alice chatting pleasantly.

"Sorry about that… Gob, he gets a little overexcited sometimes. It's just better to disregard those comments, better yet, anything he ever says or does. So… where were we?"

"We were discussing my legal options, and Barry tells me I have an 80 chance of success in court."

Rendered speechless, Michael chose to glare at Barry who innocently averted his gaze.

"Oh does he now? Well, Barry's been our family's attorney for a long time, and that probably is about as true as my mother's nose."

"It's just… I've had a really hard time growing up. Not having a family, going from home to home. It was hard. My father died a year ago, before I even got to know him. I was one of the many illegitimate children attending the funeral, and my mother… I just contacted her recently. She won't even see me; I'm just a big drunken mistake she'd made in the eighties. Then I hear I have a half brother somewhere in the States, someone who is as alone as I am in this world… and I just—I just want to find him." Alice paused as Barry had begun to sob uncontrollably. Excusing himself, he rushed into the house as Gob, who'd been eavesdropping, walked out.

"And I thought our family was dysfunctional, am I right, Michael? Haha…" Gob trailed off as his younger brother shot him a grave look and began to lead Alice into the house.

--$--


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The new situation

By Koko bandit

"So… let me get this straight… your mother named him Ann-yeong?"

After meeting Alice, the half sister of the Korean boy Lucille had adopted, Michael invited her into his home to discuss the whereabouts of Annyeong. This proved to be difficult considering he had not been seen or heard from in a while, something that hadn't concerned the Bluth family in the least until his kin had come calling a couple of minutes ago.

"Uh yes, actually it's a funny story. He had this funny little habit of saying that word, constantly; in fact, it was one of his first words."

"Well, he was probably saying hello, since Ann-yeong means hi in Korean."

Michael paused.

"Well of course. It was an affectionate gesture, calling him hello, since we loved his company so much. We always wanted to be saying hi to him, thus the name… anyway, I'd love to help you find your brother, it's just…

"So it's true, also, that Lucille adopted him… to make her son jealous? Is that what adopting children for overseas is for now-a-days? Sick pawns in some family feud?"

Michael avoided Alice's pointed gaze, and instead grabbed at any floatation device he could find.

"George Michael! Have you met Alice yet? She's great. She's—you remember Ann-yeong right? Well, she's his sister. Did I mention, she's great!"

Although still slightly depressed over his last conversation with his father, upon seeing Alice, he immediately felt slightly queasy. Stumbling over the last step of the staircase into the family room, George Michael laughed nervously and grasped the dining chair for support.

"George Michael?" Michael was concerned, the last time he'd seen his son look so green was when he'd walked in on Lucille in the shower accidentally.

"Yeah, fine dad. I'm fine. So… this is Alice. Hi, it's real nice to meet you. Uh, excuse me, I have to uh go--. Bye." Knocking over the dining chair in his awkward desperation, George Michael bolted towards his room for the second time that day.

"Wow, that was kind of weird huh? He's not usually like that. Anyways, before you go pressing any charges why don't we talk about ways we can solve this amicably."

"That would be nice. Courts are such a hassle. I just want to find my brother, and your mother was given legal responsibility to care for him."

"Yes, she did… listen, why don't you hang around here for a couple of days. He's somewhere, maybe in the walls, ha-ha, who knows? We'll find him. In the meantime, let's put this notion of lawsuits aside, and use our energies to recover your brother."

"Well," Alice was torn, she felt the right thing to do to redeem her lost brother, was to leave immediately, file a lawsuit for negligence, and call for an extensive investigation into her brother's whereabouts. Yet, at the same time, her classes at UCLA weren't getting any cheaper, and her job at the office of administration wasn't enough to pay for her education as well as her housing. Plus, the Bluth home was conveniently located near her classes as well.

"That sounds like a good plan for the moment, I'll have a chance to poke around for my brother, or at least find any evidence of where he could have gone…" Alice trailed off as Michael began to clap his hands enthusiastically.

"Great! Fan-tastic! You can take Tobias's old room in the meanwhile, and remember… no legal action, that's the deal."

"Alright, but I have another request… I've been working part-time at the school, but it's not paying enough. Could you throw in a part time position at your company in the deal?"

Michael knew of a position that had been open for a long while, yet contemplated the notion of filling it with another woman whom had an agenda against the Bluth Company. He'd learned first hand how dangerous a woman with information regarding the company was to the family and corporation. Yet… it would be nice to finally have someone else take his calls for a change, file his reports, type his letters, send out addendums…

"You're hired."

"Great! As--."

"As the Bluth Company's very own secretary, you can start as soon as you're ready and moved in. How's that sound?" Michael felt extremely proud of himself. He'd managed to bypass a potentially complicated legal situation while also securing another secretary for himself in the process, and an attractive one at that. It seemed his luck was finally turning around a bit.

"You realize, of course, I have absolutely no experience in secretarial work…"

"Of course…" Then again, maybe it wasn't…

xxxxxxxxxx

The next morning Michael gathered the family in the kitchen for a meeting. He wanted to discuss their new tenant who was arriving in an hour with her belongings. Worried he'd been a bit premature on the plea bargain, he decided to get the family's input on his decision as well as set down family rules.

"God Michael, you're giving her Tobias's old room? Who gave you authority to do that? He is coming back, you know, eventually!"

"Uh huh, Lindsey, maybe when that happens you two can actually sleep in the same room or dare I say it, the same bed for once. Now, I would like to add that she is not living here without paying her dues. First off, she is going to working as my new secretary at the Bluth--…" Michael was cut off as the entire family groaned in response.

"We know how well that story ends…" Gob was referring to how every single Bluth secretary-to-date had leaked information regarding their family and further incriminated their father in his crimes. That is, with the exception of Tobias, whom was never really the secretary in the first place anyway.

"Hey, no, this time things will be different. You know, she's not some crazy psychopath dad hired, or some hypochondriac model hired by Gob, alright? This time, I hired her after an extensive background search…" This was untrue. The only thing Michael knew of Alice was what she had told him during this conversation. He had attempted to google her, but realized he did not even know her last name.

"…which should have been done a long time ago." Michael finished, pausing for dramatic effect.

"Well, I think it's great. She's great. I can tell she's a good person. Y'know, from her eyes, they're very expressive."

"From her expressive eyes, huh… George Michael, you were checking her out weren't you? She was foxy, I don't blame you, but I have dibs on her first… and seeing she's going to be staying in this house, it's only a matter of time."

"I'm going to have to stop you right there, Gob. Alice is out of bounds as of the moment she moves into our home. Now, you know how messy relationships between you and Bluth employees have gotten, plus she's a nice girl. I don't need you further complicating an already complex situation. So, are we clear?"

Gob was torn, by placing her off-limits, Michael had inadvertently made Alice more desirable.

"Of course. You have my word, as a man, a man who transcends the laws of nature and science!" Gob said, knowing full well he'd try to pick up Alice as soon as he'd have the opportunity.

"Great! I think she's here—I hear the staircar pulling into the driveway." Michael had asked Buster to pick her up with her belongings from her dorm and bring her over.

Outside, Buster fumbled with the luggage accidentally ripping through the leather handle with his hook.

"Ooh. I'm sorry…" He moaned plaintively.

"It's alright," Alice quickly rushed forward to grab the rest of her two suitcases, and made towards the front door. Michael came out to meet her on the porch, and the rest of the Bluth family peered out from the windows.

"Hey, wow, we went a little overboard with the packing, didn't we?" Michael stared down at her three suitcases, "this is all you have? Did you leave some stuff behind, or…"

"No. this is it."

"Well it's nice for a change."

"Is that supposed to be a jab at me, Michael? I went to therapy for my shopping addiction!" Lindsey snapped.

"Nice shoes. Are they new?"

"I'm glad _somebody_ noticed! I bought them to match this new purse…ooh, Michael you're good. You're good…" She stormed off.

"I'm sure Alice must be tired from her long journey. I'll show her to her room. George Michael, why don't you take her things and bring them up to Tobias's old room." "Sure thing dad." Voice cracking, George Michael attempting to appear manly tried to carry all three at once. Unfortunately, two of the three toppled over, breaking open and tossing clothes in every direction.

"I meant, one at a time, but I appreciate your enthusiasm. Gob, why don't you—"

"No!" Alice warily stood in front of her luggage shielding it from any further damage, "Really, you are too kind, but I think I can manage. I just need some—tape."

"Alright then… you know what? I'll show you to your new room, and you can just leave your belongings out here for the time being. We don't really have too many neighbors at the moment," Michael paused as tumbleweed swept by, "so your things should be fine."

"Great."

After settling into her room, George Michael personally patched up her remaining clothes and sent them up before dinner. Alice, feeling slightly stiff from the ride crammed with hop-ons, stretched before heading down for her first dinner with the "family." It was her first dinner with any family at all, and it was a big moment for her.

Unknown to Alice, this was one of the Bluth's first dinners as a family as well.

"Do we have to actually eat this?" Maeby glared down at the meal prepared by Lindsay and Gob. It was a poorly concocted dinner scrounged from anything in the kitchen, most of which had expired, since both were too lazy to go grocery shopping.

"How dare you? I put my blood and sweat into this meal!"

"Alright, sorry Uncle Gob…it looks great, I guess…" Gob intervened as Maeby maneuvered the spoon towards her mouth.

"No—I cut my hand as I was cutting the carrots… my blood is really mixed in."

"Oh—God. So that's what this iron taste is…" Dropping the spoon, Michael finally conceded. "Alright, take out it is. I'm sorry Alice, your first day here and it's already such a disaster."

"I'm sorry actually. I've been an imposition around here, taking someone else's room and job…"

Michael sighed in exasperation as the rest of the family shared looks of agreement.

"No, you are not an imposition—Well, I suppose the situation is awkward, but we can work things out. Our family has been through a lot stranger, you'd be surprised…" A random image of a blue Tobias popped into his head as Michael moved to clean the table.

Although he himself felt a bit imposed by this new situation, he wasn't about to admit any mistake on his part. As usual, it was his mother that had stirred trouble in the first place, and he was merely trying to smooth things out as he'd done all his life. Michael decided the week would have to work as a trial run, and that with luck, a few days of living with the Bluth family would be enough to run off any sane person.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

By Koko bandit

The next morning, the day started as usual for the Bluth family. Michael was the first awake and donning his robe went downstairs to put on a pot of coffee. Upon entering the kitchen, he found Alice reading a large book on the kitchen island. Without looking up, she took a sip from her freshly brewed coffee.

"G'morning."

"Good morning! I must say, I'm in amazement right now. I think this is the first time I've witnessed another adult awake at this hour, not to mention reading, and the coffee is made. It's only six in the morning and I'm already impressed!" Michael helped himself to a cup of coffee, and was pleasantly surprised to find it delicious.

"I need to finish some chapters before class tonight and with yesterday being so hectic and today my first day of work…"

"Say no more. I'll square away some time for you at work to finish your assignments." Michael promised.

This proved to be more than difficult than he had hoped as Alice's assistance at work alleviated the weight of the minor but hassling daily tasks and finally gave him the leisure to work on the proposal that had been backed up for months. With a new secretary intercepting the nearly quarterly visits and phone calls from annoying peddlers, mostly Gob, Michael was free to work without interruption and felt compelled to revel in the unusual peace and quiet of the work day. As the day wore on, he began to feel compunction at breaking the promise he'd made to Alice in the morning and picked up the phone to call her into his office. Gob was already on the phone.

"—don't worry about him, it'll be fine. Just one dinner is all I'm asking, a romantic candle lit dinner, and I promise…"

"Sorry but I don't think so. On top of work and classes and so many other factors… I don't think it's a good idea--." Alice trailed off.

Michael interrupted dryly, "It's an awful idea. Gob, I thought we talked about this…"

"Michael!" Gob's mind raced, "I mean good, Michael! What, you thought--? No, no, I meant the dinner for us…"

"The romantic candle lit dinner is meant for us?" Michael sounded unconvinced.

"No, of course not, that's disgusting! Obviously, I dialed the wrong number, _Michael_, I meant to call our mother."

"And that's not disgusting. Listen Gob, I would appreciate not being lied to, I see what you're trying to do here."

"I'm not _trying_ to do anything. You think you have me all figured out, don't you Michael? Well, let me tell you something, you wouldn't know the first thing about me! I couldn't be less interested in your damn secretary!"

"You couldn't be more interested, you mean. It's that game dad played with us when we were younger all over again, isn't it? When he gives you something you don't want it, but when he takes it away you can't wait to get it back, and when he gives it to me, we fight over it. Well, we're not young anymore and I'm not playing these games. I said Alice is off limits while she lives with us, and that's that, also Alice could you please come into my office after you cut short your conversation with my brother?" Michael hung up the phone and went back to his proposal. After a few minutes, Alice knocked and stepped into his office.

"Please have a seat."

Sitting on the black leather couch in front of Michael's desk, she looked past him at the window overlooking the darkening sky. Her unopened books were tucked underneath a pile of unopened letters and newly typed addendums on her desk, and she itched to get started on her reading. Remembering it was Michael who promised her a study break, she hoped he would be true to his word and squirmed silently as he began to lecture her on office rules.

"I know I went over this about a hundred times today," he had, "but there are no personal calls during hours of business. What if an important client calls and the line is busy because you're talking to a potential date. It's unprofessional."

"It's not like I had a choice. Your brother, Gob, is really persistent. That was the eleventh call he made today." Alice frowned, angry at the unjust accusation.

"Yeah, that sounds like Gob. Alright, well, I'll talk to him." As Alice expectantly stared at him, Michael, thinking she was waiting for positive reinforcement said, "And, you're doing a great job! Really great. Keep it up."

"No… I still have some unfinished schoolwork I'd like to finish…"

"Oh right! Of course, I promised this morning—you know what, why don't you finish mailing those letters and faxing out those addendums and take that break!" Feeling extremely proud of himself, Michael returned to his work as Alice closed the door and returned to her desk.

As evening approached, Michael gathered his things to leave the office for the day. Upon passing the front desk, he found Alice surrounded by piles of closed letters sticking each with stamps.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you would have left for that study break by now." Unbeknownst to Michael, the month that Lindsey or Tobias, neither did much in the way of work, had been secretary was also the month that a ridiculous amount of letters had been allowed to pile up, so the task he'd offhandedly given to Alice was more time consuming than expected.

New to secretarial work, Alice mistakenly thought the backed up amount of work was the norm and to avoid looking slow on her first day of work, lied.

"I guess I got so caught up in it. I completely forgot about my assignment."

"Well, as I always tell George Michael, school should always be top priority. Slackers now are slackers later in life, am I right?" Michael received only blank stares from Alice, and he continued, "But I guess I can understand better than anyone the love of an honest days work. Wow, I didn't know you were so enthusiastic! I was going to wait until you had the rhythm down with your schoolwork and classes, but seeing you're so eager, I'll make sure to increase your responsibilities tomorrow."

"Thank you." Alice miserably gathered her things to leave for class. She was infuriated, frustrated, and anxious for class but tried not to show it.

"Need a lift to class?"

Deciding a ride would cut her commute to class in half, hopefully giving her the time needed to do some serious speed reading and finish her assignment, Alice accepted.

"We'll be taking the staircar, it'll take a while, but don't worry we'll get there eventually."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, another Bluth family member was currently on the verge of an artistic breakthrough. Tobias Funke had found work with a local acting company playing a minor character in a production of Annie complete with only four lines. As luck would have it, the actress in the part of Annie had dropped out due to salary conflicts and after his attempt at donning prosthetics, a small dress, and a falsetto to fill the part of Annie had failed he decided on another route to impress the director for a larger part in the play.

He'd received an anonymous tip from one of the actors in the troupe of the whereabouts of the singer/actress/reality star Whitney Houston. Deciding that Whitney in the role of Annie was the greatest interpretational, artistic revelation and that the director would also be impressed by his connections with the great star, Tobias decided to seek her out and offer her the part.

The tip led him into the deepest bowels of the illegal underground drug circuit and Tobias found himself on a darkened street corner littered with used hypodermic needles.

"Hmm… this is more difficult than expected. Well, I shan't be discouraged! As Annie sings, the sun will come out tomorrow, you bet your bottoms that tomorrow, there will be suuuuun--." Tobias's singing had caught the attention of a few of the locals.

"You're scaring away my customers." A poorly made up transvestite with a messily placed red wig and yellow pleather mini skirt barely covering his unmentionables stalked towards him.

"Oh, hello, miss. Well, as fate would have it, you shall have to be my Annie. For the time being anyway."

"What are you on? Get lost."

"Oh, where are my manners? My name is Tobias Funke, I am an actor," the 'woman's' eyebrows raised in surprise.

"You don't look like an actor."

"Well, I am. One in great need," her eyebrows rose again, "for you see, I am in need of your services." Tobias dramatically swept the ground in a bow.

"Why didn't you say so from the beginning? I charge 30 by the hour, but for you buddy, 40 dollars."

Tobias faltered, he hadn't expected he'd need to expend money on this trip, yet decided to tap into his wife's secret stash of cash. After all, this was a matter of artistic emergency.

"That's a pretty penny," Tobias chuckled, "but nothing a trip to the ATM won't prove surmountable."

"Alright. Let's get going already."

A block and a half later on the darkened street, sirens flagged Tobias and his friend down and to his surprise Tobias found himself pressed to the pavement.

"Is this some sort of role playing?" Tobias mumbled from the floor.

"No, you stupid bleep you're under arrest, I'm an undercover cop!" Tearing off the cheap wig, Officer Cooper yanked the stunned Tobias off the ground and against the police car.

"You're a man!" he was astounded.

"Get in the damn car!"

As the Bluth company staircar veered around a sharp corner barely missing a few stray pedestrians, Alice dug her fingernails into her hands. Her class began in less than half an hour and they were still a good distance away. She'd tried to work in the car but Michael had been going on for the whole of the car ride about the ethics of hard work, using it as a smokescreen to insult his family's laziness without actually coming off as self righteous. He was interrupted as his cell phone rang. It was Tobias.

"Sorry, I need to take this."

Alice nodded relieved, and opened her book to the dog-eared page.

"What? Not again! This is getting ridiculous. Can anyone in this family go a week without jail time or lawsuits! Just stay put—I'll be there in a few minutes, I'm right by the courtroom. We don't need the press getting wind of this, the faster you're out of there the better."

Snapping his phone closed, Michael guiltily turned towards Alice.

"I'm sorry Alice, this is an emergency. My brother-in-law is being held in custody, and look, we're right near the police station. It'll only take a minute, I promise."

With a tight smile, Alice gave him a rigid nod and stared down at her book in desperation.

Making a right towards the station, Michael dialed Barry's number into his cell while driving down the all-too-familiar path.


End file.
